Allow me to introduce you to Harley*, a sour 7-year-old who goes to school with Boni, my sweet little 2nd grader who, in the eyes of her moronic teachers, can do no wrong. Harley and Boni are in the same class, sit at the same table, and, until recently, were close friends.
Turns out, however, that Harley is a mean, manipulative bitch. Yesterday, she pushed Broosevelt into a wall, and then lied and said she was “just trying to get by.” When kids don’t want to play with her, she tells them she won’t be friends with them anymore. She has a Hate List of the kids she doesn't like. Worst of all, she has made Boni an accomplice in her Post-its Crime Ring.
I’m sure you all remember the Behavior Reflection Sheet (see below) sent home with Boni a few weeks ago for taking a bunch of Post-its. Well, a few days ago, she brought home some more, and she and Broosevelt had a grand ol’ time sticking them on the ceiling of my car, trashing the living room with them, and putting “Kick me” signs on their unsuspecting mother. She said a boy named Riley had given her the Post-its and, though I was reminded of the previous Post-its incident, I said nothing.
Then, yesterday, as we were walking home from school, Boni took not one, not two, but three full pads of Post-its out of her jacket pocket.
"Where'd you get those?"
"From Riley."
"Where did he get them?"
"From Harley."
"Where'd Harley get them?"
"I'm not sure. Probably from the Post-its bin."
"So, she stole them?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?! Don't you realize you're now an accomplice to Harley's crime and that the rest of your life is fucking ruined?!"
Boni quickly realized the error of her ways and that Harley had likely stolen the Post-its. We agreed she would return the Post-its to her teacher, explain why she had them (without naming names), and apologize.
But here's the thing: Every time Boni makes a mistake, she magically and unfairly gets more respect from her teacher. Last month, when she ganked the Post-its with no help whatsoever, she won Student of the Month for "Communicator" and got a free t-shirt. Turns out all you have to do to earn praise is steal, say sorry, and have pretty blue eyes.
This afternoon, when Boni anonymously snitches on her classmates yet takes responsibility for her own wrongdoing, she'll probably be wearing cute little pig-tails and win a god damn Purple Heart.
Allegedly, Democratic voter fraud in Chicago helped get Kennedy elected in 1960, but he's a national hero. Allegedly, Republican political corruption in Florida helped get George W. Bush elected in 2000, but he’s a saint compared to Trump. Allegedly, Boni stole some Post-its, but she gets to be the line-leader and win Snitch o’ the Month.
Cheaters always win. Unless you're Harley and you suck and get ratted on and die alone.
*Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.